Coffee Hour Discussion #2
This week I will be celebrating my tenth-year anniversary with the most important man in my life. However, I think it took me quite a few years to treat him like the investment he is to our family. You are probably wondering, why I am referring to our relationship as an investment. I know it sounds like a business deal and not a marriage but I think once you read my story you will understand like in a business, investing brings fourth rewards but these rewards are not of monetary value, it’s far better!!!
Last spring I read a book, “His Needs, Her Needs”, it was a pivotal turning point in my view of a relationship. The author, Willard F. Jr. Harley can seem to come across as intense, however I am a firm believer that there is always something (a pearl I like to call it) that can be taken from any book and applied to life for the better.
The pearl from this particular book is; in your daily relationships with people, you are making love deposits (meaning filling their love bank) or love withdrawals (meaning taking from their love bank). When you add to a man’s self-esteem (what man does not like to be told he is wonderful, amazing, and the best) then you are investing in him as a person and respecting the needs he has. When a man’s love bank is full he then starts reinvesting because he has the assurance of love and respect from his wife. No I am not a love doctor, nor am I really a mushy person, this just made so much sense to me and I wanted to share.
You know it’s a GREAT book when you stop thinking wow he really needs to read this book, and start thinking OMG, I think this book is yelling at me to create change(yeah I don’t like reality checks) but this one was great and what a huge return I received on our relationship and marriage. So the more I started making deposits within his love bank (notes of encouragement, hugs and kisses, words of affirmation, prayer) and the less I withdrew (nagging, putting down, not respecting his ideas and thoughts) then I started seeing a man who was more secure, a man who was more loving, and a man who was much more sensitive to my own needs (BINGO, see ladies it does give back). Now the book really grabbed my attention, when the book started talking about when I am not making love deposits, then who is making them in my place. I don’t know about you, but us woman can be pretty territorial and I do not think I want someone else depositing when all I am doing is withdrawing (Yikes!!!)
I was very fortunate when I told my husband how much this book changed my whole attitude on marriage that he also wanted to read it. It is a common joke in our home to say “Wow, that was a great deposit” or “Ouch” withdrawal. But the point is we are both more aware of the remarks and small gestures that will pick one up or tear one down. We strive to make many more deposits than withdrawals daily, and this has been so rewarding with priceless returns.
So, my question to you is, are you making deposits or withdrawals??? Sometimes it is very difficult to realize that maybe “I” need to make some changes, but what a huge blessing it has been.
Happy 10th Year Anniversary to an amazing man, who has encouraged me, loved me unconditionally and walked this journey with me side by side. We have learned so much and you are my partner, best friend and soul mate. (3-9-2002)
It is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)
(Reference) His Needs, Her Needs: By Willard F. Jr. Harley, Willard F. Harley, Jr. – Baker Publishing Group (2011)